"你不是真正的快樂, 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色."

on Monday, 8 June 2009

I have not written for quite a while now, because it's true that nothing particularly interesting has happened in my life. However, after yesterday, I have become deeply troubled and wished to share what has happened.

Yesterday was Sunday. Sunday is the day when I can hang out with my friends after our Chinese lesson. So, like normal, we went on some petit adventures and then people slowly drifted home. Ensuite, I was left with the other half of my "雙子星" again. I don't understand though, it felt to me like he was very lively and happy when we were among a group of people, but when it was only us two left, he expressed to me that he wasn't happy. This immediately hit me and the sadness spread to my heart too. I asked why he wasn't happy but he would just question me back with "Why should I be happy?" To be honest, I could not find an answer to this either, but I just know it's the way things should be. Finally, he thought it was money problems, something which I could not help with. He dropped me off just a little off from the station and said he was going to go and try to rid himself of the feeling of "crapness." So we both went our separate ways... Both holding the feeling of trouble. Later on in the evening, I texted him asking if he felt any better. But he replied, still, carrying a troubled feeling. However, he added that he realised that his trouble was not money wise. I am still troubled as to what he is feeling troubled about if it was not money.

Today, I really hope that he is feeling better. I also hope he knows that if he needs to talk to anyone, that I will always always be here as a listening person. And I would like to hear from him, even if it's only two words on a text: "I'm okay."

I can feel that in his world, it is always pouring down non-stop rain, even if for the slightest moments he puts up an umbrella to hide the rain. From now on, I will be able to see through the umbrella which he puts up.

I believe he is wanting to know "哪裡才會有離開的出口, 可是離開以後能往哪裡走..."

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