"Love in the Ice."

I'd say, this month has generally been AMAZING.
Title is a song name from DBSK which I'm quite in love with at the moment and it also describes really well the situation.

Friday 11th :
My 17th birthday. Seeing as it was a school day, of course I went to school. Was given cards and presents, the usual. But y'know, Friday's are a good school day, lessons are all fairly relaxing. TR made me a cake. (L)

Not only was it my birthday, the two week count-down to Christmas began!

Thursday 17th/Friday 18th :
It snowed! School was closed on Friday, which meant that we couldn't watch the Christmas Revue, but there's not much harm in a slightly early start to the Christmas holiday.

Sunday 20th :
My 17th birthday "party" which then had it's name changed to "Lobster Party." Most of the invited-ees did come. We took sticker photos and then sik fan. And one thing which added to the special-ness was that my 求救專線 actually came! I thought he wouldn't! My friends had ordered a surprise birthday cake for me which was gorgeous, and there's a present to come! Excited. ^^ Came home that day in the best mood. Still smiling when I think about it.

Tuesday 22nd :
Da been lo day at WHL's. Went out early in the morning to go and buy SL and WHL's birthday presents with the close crew. Then went supermarket-ing to buy food for the hotpot. Took the metro to the flat. The fun was just indescribable really, but trust me, it really was beaucoup de fun! I'd love to attend another one any day. :D Not to forget, slowly getting closer to KC. <3

Wednesday 23rd :
The snow and ice is still around. Sort of getting a bit annoying now. But it's true, we shouldn't moan, we don't get the chance to see it often.
Anyway, soon it will be Friday 25th December! There's so many presents under the tree waiting to be opened. And mum says that there's even more than last year! Also, although I said I would "刪除他, 勇敢一點" I still couldn't help but feel slightly happy that He got me a Christmas present. However, I need to stress that I really hope this string of feeling will go away soon, because I suspect that he's either not over what he had, or he has his eyes on someone else. I can't let myself get into a state again.

Finally, I must explain properly why I chose the title "Love in the Ice." It really does fit the situation at the moment. For the past week not only has it been snowy and icy, but my feeling of love has also grown, particularly for a special KC (even though I know that problems stand between us, I'm letting things go naturally.) My wish at the end of the year of 2009 is for someone special to come totally into my life in 2010, then maybe I will stop giving up with life so quickly...

"誰能體諒我的雨天?"

Just finished watching episode 8 of MoMo Love, so I'm a bit :'[ at the moment. Was also like that when I watched 很想和你在一起 and it was dead sad. But that might be because I love Ken. Ha.
Sort of a bit confused at the moment. 誰能體諒我的雨天? I want KC. (L)

Yes. So I was thinking, I only have about 7 hours left of being a sixteenager, which really doesn't feel real. What better is there to do with your last hours of being a certain age than blogging?

"Way to go."

There's not long until my birthday now, and I'm just feeling out of this world despite being in a state close to illness. :D I don't remember when the last time I felt so good was. It seems like there is rythm in my steps, which could possibly be because I'm under the influence of Korean music. But yeah, I'm happy.

My 求救專線 is actually such a jokes person. Never fails to make me laugh. I am really hoping that he does come to my birthday gathering. It would be an ever so lovely memory for me.

I have changed recently. I have found my aims for the next few years, and I have my fingers crossed that I'll meet them. I am working hard to meet them goals. You have to keep me in your prayers.

Really, really, really cannot wait until my birthday. 2o days left! Should be the best one yet. (Y)

"Press the reset, press press the reset."

Hello everyone. Long time no write now. Suddenly had a strong urge to come and write today.

Today, Friday 13th November, someone who I had not known personally, but local to my friends, my school and my area, had suddenly and sadly passed away. This brought me to the thought that this year has not been the most pleasant year since I remember. Many people have passed away, and not to forget, my dearest pet rabbit...

So, I was thinking, what if that suddenly happened to me one day without warning? Would there be someone who would make a Facebook remembrance group for me? And if so, who would it be? Who would be the one who cries everyday for the next few months? Who would be the one who misses me the most? Would anyone regret not telling me or asking me something? Would there have been anyone who wanted me to go? What would my parents do with all of my stuff?
There would be such a long list of questions which I would want to ask...

Anyway, there was something I came to announce: I have decided to be brave and end my feelings towards him. It is something which I'm sure I should have done a long time ago, but I had never been able to stop myself, and now I have plucked up that courage, that bravery, and I am pretty sure I will be able to get through it this time. He has really disappointed me recently making me wonder why I have been wasting my time like this. He is not Phoebum. So I have deleted him from my life. I will still talk to him if he ever talks to me, but I will not view him in the same light. Forever goodbye my friend.

RESET.

If I could turn back time...

[Written quite a while ago but I only decided to post this now.]

There would honestly be many things which I would like to change. And I admit this. I always see loads of people who write that they wouldn't change anything if they could turn back time. But I reckon that's a load of rubbish. I would definitely change some of the things in my life.

And at the moment, my number one regret : Becoming so attached to my 求救專線. I don't think things were meant to turn out this way. But like he said yesterday on Facebook Chat, it must be fate.


Number two regret : Being such a little old fashioned shy loser. I should have told him how I felt long ago instead of letting it all drift over. Now my feelings are scattered everywhere.

Number three regret : Not revising harder for my GCSE RE exams. I am really not happy with that B grade. Too much self confidence made me think I'd achieve what I aimed for, but I set out at a different level.

Number four regret : Spending such little time with my resting in peace pet rabbit. How does it feel to know that you'll never see her again?

Number five regret : Meeting that little gay boy loser. He actually thinks he's everything. It only takes a little reading of the stuff which he writes on his Facebook Notes or Statuses to make me think that my decision ages ago was the correct one. And the way his girlfriends never last more than two months must make him realise something. But what is shocking is that it doesn't! Even more than that, not only his girlfriends changing, but his crushes change with the months too, I swear! (Or from what I've heard anyway.) He just makes me so pissed off. I can't help it. Anyway, I will stop rambling about this idiot. He's not worth my time.

Number six regret : Giving up my place on the Consortium China trip! But this hardly matters anymore. Just a little bit annoying. I'll get over this one pretty quickly.

I guess these are my six greatest regrets at this moment of my life. I'm pretty sure that there's more which aren't bothering me now, and I'm also sure that more will crop up sooner or later. But that's it from me for now!

Updating the life of Lok Lok.

The educational year of 2009-2010 commenced a month and a few weeks ago. To be honest, it feels like I haven't had a summer holiday. Everything seems very normal, except I am now a sixth former. Teachers do indeed treat you differently, and so do the younger pupils. It's very strange not having to wear a set uniform which makes it extremely difficult to decide what to wear in the morning.



However, one thing which I look forward to every week is going to our consortium school for my Maths lessons. It actually has become the highlight of the week. I'm meeting many new cool people there and one surprising thing is that my Arron look-a-like now goes there. I couldn't believe it at first. Someone called my name in the corridor and I turned around to see him there. Actually do really love it at consortium.



I also, now have a year seven mentee, who I see every Monday to talk to her and share any problems she has or just generally make her feel welcome. She's actually really nice, says hello to me in the corridors and everything. Her friends are a bit creepy though. I never remember us being that loud and crazy in year seven.



The jump from GCSE to A-Level though, really has proved to be a difficulty, especially in French. I seem to be really frightened of the lessons because I think that everyone else's French is so much better than mine. I'd say Maths is quite a bit harder too, but I'm still able to hang on to what we're doing at the moment, might have to get a tutor when it gets harder though. The homework load is quite ridiculous. It doesn't actually seem that much, but when you get working on it, then BAM, you can never get it finished it seems.

I've been back to Chinese school for two weeks now. Tomorrow, the third week. Nothing much has changed, except that I only do one lesson now, which is quite late in the day, so I hardly get anything done of Sundays. My class has quite a few new people in it. And I'm not happy about sitting on the second row. It feels too forward... And I'd say, now that I can hardly talk to him, my feelings for him are dying down, which I don't know whether is good or bad.


Anyway, now that I have a job too on top of all of my school work, means that my free time is very limited. I haven't watched any of my beloved Taiwan series since school started! And that is saying something serious. I can hardly finish all of my work, let alone have time to do leisure activities!

"一加一."

The following are my grades for General Certificate of Secondary Education:
A* - Chinese (In which I achieved in the year 2007.)
A* - French
A* - Science Core
A* - Science Additional
A - Maths
A - English Language
A - English Literature
A - History
A - Latin
A - Design Technology : Resistant Materials
B - Religious Education
And to be honest, I am not happy with my grades although they are the same as my sister's. Mine, with an added Chinese, which she did not take.

"因為愛你我可以若無其事."

You know, feeling a bit on the low side at the moment. I know why it is, but I'm leading myself into thinking much more than I really need to. I believe two months of doing nothing has given me a confused mind. All I do now is wake up in the morning only to go back to sleep in the night. And I still really need a heart to heart talk with someone, which leads me to my first problem... My 求救專線 is not replying. :'[

Second problem : I am really really really missing HIM. Don't know who I can invite out as an excuse to see him. Too afraid to invite him out alone. The only thing I have left is Facebook which really does not help at times.

Third problem : My new mobile, which I have owned for less than two months, has gone and died on me. It was such a beautiful phone. I reckon it is only the battery, but still, how cheap.

Fourth problem : Everyone is reminding me of GCSE Results Day which is on the 27th August. There really is no need, do people think that I don't have enough to worry about or enough stuff on my mind? People reckon that I'm super smart and totally unbeatable, however it is only I who knows the truth. They give me unwanted pressure thinking I will get impossibly high results and such, but I know I won't. And the truth is often depressing. I truly would like smooth As and A*s, but you know that is not possible. I have to follow after my older sister who did well. I can't stand it now. And I won't be able to stand it when everyone is disappointed.

Fifth problem : Still not completely over the fact that my rabbit has died. One month yesterday. Miss her so so much. She was an amazing friend. I won't ever forget her.

This is exactly why everyone should have their own angel. Everyone needs a little comfort when they are down...

"勇氣."

I realised I have not written in a long time, it may have been because I was on holiday for a month, or maybe it was because I was afraid to come here and see my posts about him. However, I am no longer the same person as I was a couple of months ago, I am new and improved with added 勇氣! I can also announce that my friend and him have broken up. Over this matter you cannot say that I am happy because I really am sorry for their short relationship. But whenever my friend is in need, I ensure you that I will always be there to listen.

I received a message from her during my holiday and it shocked me. She told me that if I still liked him that I should go ahead and pursue it. And I tell you now, I have no intentions on doing that. I will not chase after someone to get their heart. I know times have changed and it is perfectly normal for girls to do that nowadays, however I would feel rather embarrased if I asked him out and he rejected it. But my friend also told me that he said to her once that he can tell me things which he hasn't been able to tell anyone else. I would say that's a good enough start.



Anyway, I really believe that I need a TS moment. Stuff has happened and all I can do is pull out my own courage to face it. I want someone to share my unfortunate happenings with, preferably him. But I can conclude that the one month long holiday to Hong Kong, Japan and Taiwan has done me well overall. I look forward to seeing all my friends again.

"求救專線."

I really need to thank my friend who reminds me of Arron Yan, he is truly an amazing person who has made me feel a million times better than I did last night. Definitely my "求救專線."

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And *POKE* Haha, our neverending poke war will always symbolise our friendship.

"童話還不夠美好."

Heartbroken, yet I will not allow myself to break into a million pieces or to look back.
I know that I can get through this, holding myself together for as long as I need to.
I know that I can move on, because I must move on.

"你不是真正的快樂, 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色."

I have not written for quite a while now, because it's true that nothing particularly interesting has happened in my life. However, after yesterday, I have become deeply troubled and wished to share what has happened.

Yesterday was Sunday. Sunday is the day when I can hang out with my friends after our Chinese lesson. So, like normal, we went on some petit adventures and then people slowly drifted home. Ensuite, I was left with the other half of my "雙子星" again. I don't understand though, it felt to me like he was very lively and happy when we were among a group of people, but when it was only us two left, he expressed to me that he wasn't happy. This immediately hit me and the sadness spread to my heart too. I asked why he wasn't happy but he would just question me back with "Why should I be happy?" To be honest, I could not find an answer to this either, but I just know it's the way things should be. Finally, he thought it was money problems, something which I could not help with. He dropped me off just a little off from the station and said he was going to go and try to rid himself of the feeling of "crapness." So we both went our separate ways... Both holding the feeling of trouble. Later on in the evening, I texted him asking if he felt any better. But he replied, still, carrying a troubled feeling. However, he added that he realised that his trouble was not money wise. I am still troubled as to what he is feeling troubled about if it was not money.

Today, I really hope that he is feeling better. I also hope he knows that if he needs to talk to anyone, that I will always always be here as a listening person. And I would like to hear from him, even if it's only two words on a text: "I'm okay."

I can feel that in his world, it is always pouring down non-stop rain, even if for the slightest moments he puts up an umbrella to hide the rain. From now on, I will be able to see through the umbrella which he puts up.

I believe he is wanting to know "哪裡才會有離開的出口, 可是離開以後能往哪裡走..."

雙子星

天上的星星數不清　最亮的是你
不管有多遠我願意 放棄一切尋找你

我不需要 用時間為我證明 就可以肯定
你的快樂 傷心 我都能感應　我們就像雙子星.

Aww, I do feel happy at the moment and have since yesterday really. I was able to spend quality time with Mr Amazing. He has such an strong yet appealing character. I thought I wouldn't be able to see him yesterday, but it turned out that I spent more time than usual with him. I felt really safe and comfortable with him that even my problems drifted away. At first there was a whole bunch of us hanging out together, but as the day progressed into the evening, people started returning home or venturing elsewhere. And in the end, it was only us two 雙子星left together. I was given my first hug from him which was so warm, I didn't want to let go. Now I cannot stop myself from thinking about him. These two days have really been happy times for me. People always say that they wish time would stop at a particular moment forever and now I understand what they mean, because I felt exactly like that yesterday.

However, I do have some annoyance to express. I wish some particular person would just stop boasting about rubbish. I am totally sick of hearing some of the useless comments which come from his mouth. I wonder why he wonders why I could no longer put up with him... And I am very sure that I am not the only person who cannot bear to listen to him or even see him. Yesterday, when he turned up in front of my face, I could not help it but to run away. Arghhh, he has been one of the only annoying things about today and yesterday. Also, saying that he went into hospital, was partially blind for a few days, aced the Chinese exam, you know all that, I reckon he just b-craps his way through life. He has a blog too, but I don't believe he writes half of that stuff.

Tomorrow, I have an English Literature exam and a Latin Language exam. Wish me luck. I am very glad that after tomorrow, I have no more exams for the rest of the week and next week. (Y)

"你說可不可以放你的心在行李. 跟著我飛行, 我們就可以永遠不分離."

夢時代購物中心 is one of my summer stops. It seems like such an amazing place; Largest shopping centre in Taiwan and the second largest in Southeast Asia. The ferris wheel 高雄之眼 has always attracted me by standing with the mall which looks like a Beijing Olympic venue. I have only ever seen this in Taiwan series and I really cannot believe that I may be going to see this for real.

Anyway, this morning I woke to revise religious education/religious studies. It is a hard job remembering all of the quotes, however, I feel that I have done quite a good job. Yesterday evening, I revamped YotsubaBase a little bit and hope that after all my busy-ness, I will be able to make the Blog even nicer.

(I miss DM x.)

"在地圖上找愛, 總以為巴黎浪漫, 紐約熱情燦爛."

I am mega excited about the possibility of going to either Tokyo Disneyland or DisneySea! It seems so amazing! As well as that, I may end up going to Fujikyu Highland Theme Park and Shinjuku Underground Shopping Street too! Sounds awfully snazzy, can you imagine, an underground shopping street... I'm quite sure that just by going to this place I will achieve the title of my Blog. ^^






I have a rather busy day tomorrow, a number of things which I must tend to. Je voudrais avoir un jour bon demain.

"你又想起某個夏天, 熱鬧海岸線. 記憶中的那個少年, 驕傲的宣言."

From 22:10 07/05/09, I took some time out to think.

I remember when my friends and I went into a over 18 place. We managed to get in, but after a while the guy there came over and said "There are too many of you in here doing nothing, please go." So, I and two other friends left, leaving four friends to finish their game in the place, thinking they'd come out and join up with us later. But they never did. And apparently, the guy only wanted to get rid of us because I, looked too young. I realised that people had a hint of annoyance in them. I wondered why am I different.

Today, I wondered again "Why am I different." But I realised that I'm happy this way, that I am not a sheep. It is often heard that people say they are unique, different to others, themselves. But when you actually think about this, they're not really. The whole lot of them, a bunch of sheep. One person does something and in less than five minutes I guarantee that just about the whole world will also be doing it. Hyperbole, don't take it literally.

I need to stop letting EVERYTHING get on my nerves. I really want to just cut myself off from the world. But I've realised that won't happen, and that I can only be by myself for a maximum of two hours per day. Sucks to that according to Piggy (Lord of the Flies).

And I truly believe that Facebook is a depressing drug. I really will try to forbid myself from going on it anymore. Especially at this time of my life. I do love tea, but really that fairtrade tea in RE today was the most tasteless thing that has ever entered my mouth. I have realised that my body cannot take the smallest amount of caffeine, and seeing as I have had a cup of (disgusting) tea today, it means that I won't be able to get to sleep for a while. And I've just been reminded of something else.

My sixth form options have totally been messed up to the max. I stopped and stared at the option blocks earlier, but I couldn't sort it out. I don't know what to do. I hate this. I feel like crap. And the thing is, when someone feels like crap, I'll be there listening for them. But I'm alone. Why?... I really want to go back to that particular TS moment. It was so relaxing. It was an example of a day when I felt problem-less. I provided a listening ear for you, you said you'd listen to any problems I had. Where are you?

Before I stop my rant, I just need to say ILOVE光良VERYMUCHINDEED.

Until 22:38 07/05/09, I took some time out to think.